Self Care and Self Love

In keeping my word to carry the energy of Self Love and Self Care, I took myself on a mini vacation. I drove up island to my brother's place on Malcolm Island and spent 2 glorious days there, being catered to. My brother and his wife have a beautiful home nestled on 10 acres on a lovely bay. Scotia, Bodhi and I had a wonderful guest room, with french doors leading out to a patio that overlooked the water. They took us on their boat and we toured the Broughton Islands, taking in one breath-taking sight after another- a whale, a mass of sea lions in their wild habitat, otters swimming right by us,  He nosed the boat carefully up to tiny islands that hardly any humans visit, where Scotia and I happily scooted around picking up one giant eagle feather after another. Another island was an otters picnic site and we found some lovely abalone shells and more eagle feathers. The next day we hiked to the wild, wild forest to a grandmother Cedar tree that is 35 feet around, and then to the pebble beach where the whales come to rub their bellys. Scored a polished heart rock. Polished by the whales!  This was "my" type of vacation alright.
Love to me!

Birthday

Happy Birthday Merry One! Enjoy all your colours and enjoy self care and love every day.

merry one also says

Merry Ones
I'm sure you are carrying and  manifesting all those powerful words from the Beauty Seat ( aka hot seat!). Last eve, brain was not engaged so here is a memory boost.
Janice - compassion
Claire -  beautiful
Blanka - strength
Stanko - self love/change
Jennie - self-care/self-love
Anne - courage
Susan - wisdom

Lennie, thanks for being fierce and kind all at once.


all my beautiful children!  my heart is so full of love for you.
with all my love and more,

merry one

Merry One Speaks

I seem to be shifting from one extreme to another. Was so deep in my "blissful state" that I  tripped myself up. Today a family encounter so triggered me I was drawn back into an old  default position.   At same time  felt like I was in a dreamworld observing my reactions with a calm detachment  that wanted me to stay present and not withdraw into guilt!!! After feeling so heightened at saltspring,  it felt so harsh to  find myself reacting with old patterns. Wow, the power of habit!   I recognize this old energy and used the standing stalking to clear it out. Lots of different emotions have surfaced in last 24 hours; maybe old energy wanting to be transformed.

Yes, do be aware of old habits/old energy.  Check in with yourself, what do you choose? to see what learning is presenting, or if you know what the learning is, what action to be taken?


Yes, talk about an energy shift. For me too. I came home to a confusing upset at work involving my son. My boss even went so far as to say that she does not consider Caley an employee, just someone that I get to cover my own shifts. Yet she made a big to-do in the beginning, by saying she had to interview him (though she had never interviewed any other employee before or since!!!!) and she did and SHE hired him. 
What was the upset? He emailed her and asked her for a character reference. He had meant to say work reference and corrected it with another email. She basically said because he wouldn't take no for the first email that he was harassing her and maybe he shouldn't even work at the care home.......

So, with awareness I can feel that my default position is to completely freak out. "Its not fair" Its crazy. I can't trust her. Then I feel it spiraling up to, I hate my job. I want to quit.

Then ALL manner of paranoid thoughts are flooding in. "What else does she think?" "Does she secretly hate me?" Are the other workers in on it?"


Now, I can tune into the energy we felt Saturday. Remember?


No thoughts.. Easy still presence. Life takes care of itself. I don't need to read anything into this. 

The buck stops here. 

I don't believe the thoughts. What will unfold....will unfold. It won't be because I am in there fiddling with it. Caley already told me to back off and not to worry about it. He will get another job somewhere else.

Oh but the Unfairness!, screams my mind!

It REALLY is not worth losing that peace that I had. It really isn't. I am breathing deep right now. Just writing it out here is helping. I can focus on the problem and give it more reality or I can focus on Self Love and Self Care and make THAT a reality.

I went swimming yesterday at the Sooke River....I thought there couldn't be a more beautiful place than Nanaimo River.....but there is!!! It was paradise!! Scotia and I and the 2 dogs swam up river, from deep pool to cascading waterfull to whirl pool to deep chasm to another gorgeous waterfall ....it was magic. I will post a photo on the blog.


The standing stalking is the MOST powerful tool for me now. I came away from our week-end very detached and spaced out. Like I was floating over myself. I haven't felt the triggers I usually fall for. This morning after two days in La La Land, I did the standing staking. It helped bring me back into my world, blend the two realities. I feel like the way I was on Salt Spring was so new and welcomed that I wanted to escape into it. Like it was a powerful drug and I didn't have control of it, just floated blissfully along. This morning I woke with a start, like I'd been asleep at the wheel. I stalked the disconnect. I wrote out Lennie's words of wisdom "Yes, do be aware of old habits/old energy. Check in with myself, what do I choose? See what learning is presenting, or if I know what the learning is, what action to be taken?" I put this on my bathroom mirror. It seems a helpful careful way to live both realities. 
Thank-you everyone. 

I came home to know internet (I am finally at the library)...someone took my IP address apparently!  Wierd how I feel disconnected without it yet I am watching it.  watching me in it.  It seems as other problems come up that they (the problems) are there to show me that they can be there and I can float through them.  Feeling a level of watching, but also a level of being with them, in them with no attachment...I am also in that space...I don't really want to do anything, just be in it, just watch and giggle...bought a meditation tape as I am going to get serious about that...but nothing else


Amazing day today - such synchronicities that seemed the Universe was shining down... everything flowed.  My inner life feels powerful and connected.  Today.  I feel very clear and grounded.  No expectations, at least right now.

I did not bring this up over the weekend, but there has been a lot of conflict for me about my husband working in the Middle East, me living here...  we never formally agreed to separate, but ended up living half way around the world from each other.   He emailed over the weekend saying that he's decided to leave Dubai and come home.  I've been asking him for the past 18 months to do just that, and his reply has been no.  For whatever reasons.  So now I'm conflicted about his decision, but aware of the old arguments, the analyzing, assuming, the old stories, the old energy, the old reactions, the familiar reactions...  so giving these thoughts lots of space and am more curious than absorbed by them.... this makes life simple, if I could just remember and not get hooked in the dream.  What a perfect in-your-face life to practice with, haha.  Glad you're all a part of it, 

Merry Ones "Check In" for August 3 Weekend

Group Check in -  Here were your check in comments for setting intent at beginning of weekend

Love the moment for what it is
Find the beauty in life as a portal to truth
Not sit on the fence but dive in - not worrying about "right or wrong"; follow my heart
Focus on accepting and surrendering to all the different colors of life
Find the point where I block and resist
Give myself the opportunity to " not"  like the moment
Focus on acceptance
Observe the tension between mind and heart
Speak the part I avoid
Explore anxiety and fear that I can't do things on my own. Find the place that I don't think I have inside
Trust that I am strong and can do things
Deepen my understanding about cycles in life and how they impact my internal/external life

Words from Lennie at the end of the weekend:

Own your power! Grab it and be it!
Make the leap
Recognize your own power and stop pretending you don't have it
No more returning to default positions.
Stop tip toeing around yourself
Stop pretending
Listen to your own wisdom
This is a full time job and not a hobby!

Hanging with the Merry Ones At Saltspring!

An intense weekend - intense in heat, sunlight, full  moon, sunrise mornings, late night "beauty circle" - everything felt heightened, reflective and intensified. Being on Mt. Maxwell at dawn was like standing at the cusp between different dimensions -I felt disoriented as if looking at the world through a screen. All my senses felt activated - my eyes, my hearing and smell. The world suddently felt like it was extending its heart towards us.  As I watched the sky turn red and pink, then intensify to gold, I wondered if I was dreaming or awake. Did it even matter? Everthing had a silent, slow and mythical quality to it - I wondered if this experience was directing me to wake up and view the world from a new perspective. Under the heat of the day, my body and brain dialed down, and all I could do was sit and observe. No energy to bustle around -silence was my voice. Shifting back to the world of language, we sat in the " beauty circle" and reflected our hearts back to each other. For a moment, I felt I could see the light  shine through each of us.  It was beautiful to witness everyone's truth, and better understand the power that "trusting the moment" can bring to our lives.

Sooke River

Om Bhur Bhuva Svaha Tat Savitur Varenyam Bhargo Devasya Dhimahi Dhiyo Yo Nah Prachodayat

The Drumming!!!

In case you all were missing Drum Sex. Here is a reminder. Drum Video