Know Thyself

"Possess, obsess, request... ulterior motive at the back of ones mind, and only you are conscious of."   These words echo in my being over and over again.  And there it was!  The internal dialogue started... No, not me... I don't do this.  As I listened to it all... it is all me.  I possess, obsess, request.... and oh yes the ulterior motive at the back of my mind.  That one I saw like flash cards always lingering there at times when I said I loved and also with many other things. The ulterior motive, if I really look it's always there posing as the warrior.  I haven't been loving.. I've been secretly taking, wanting, needing, protecting.   All along my mind saying that I have been betrayed over and over again.... No, I betrayed myself with my Tainted Love.  The mask which I didn't even know I had....this mask which has now been seen...
http://youtu.be/DqgVMJXBOsw
Untainted Love
'Love that does not possess, obsess, request.  has no "ulterior motive" at the back of ones mind...been practicing that love.  And any things that you may be doing as well, and only you are conscious of.  In this case.... we are in the same boat.  I'm not judging you...judging myself... and then...I give it to you.'


Got to keep on walking.....

Storytelling Ourselves

Hello Merry Ones,

This is interesting site that my friend is involved in -  
http://ttbook.org/book/story-you

It's all about how we tell stories about ourselves -  to ourselves and others;  how themes change over time in our stories.  It's all "toltec", framed in a different way. We are just a mental construct... perfect!

Letting go of resistance. Again.

 

Letting go of resistance. Again.

One more time I face my uncomfortable self.

The desire to slide into the old patterns is strong.

The familiar, the safe,

the rut I have spent my life creating.

If I pause and do a brief stalking of my feelings

If I breathe a moment

If don’t have the answer ready before

I’m sure of the question.

This is a vulnerable place

giving up my precious control

 my perceived power.

I think I’m being true to myself if I give into my egos

desire.

Right here is my sticky place.

I am afraid.

If I go through instead of circumnavigate

If I am the change I keep saying I want to be

If I let go of this resistance

to take the next step.

I stalk this fear of resistance.

Discomfort is a portal

a door into my next level

I resist the desire to flee from this discomfort.

Damn

One more time

I face my uncomfortable self.

I desire what I know or think I know.

I resist and

I let go of resistance.

Powerful Creatress

Mother Medicine

Releasing " the need to know" - embracing the "un understandable"

Becoming more & more aware of my attachment to the "need to know"... I am always trying to translate spiritual experiences into my mental framework -  I can feel my energy start to nose dive when I cloud my vision with the "need to know" attachment.  I am learning to take experiences of expansion at face value; to honor them without trying to lasoo and corral them into understandable chunks.. it's just my brain frightened by the expansiveness that has no recognizable form and shape.   I am trying to embrace  my "un - understandable"!! 

What My Mom Said.....

This is the email my Mom had sent to me a few months before she died.
Wow, it is loaded with many beliefs that I know I fell prey to as I was growing up.
When she sent this to me, I actually felt quite warmed by it, because it was her way of telling me that she thought I was amazing and that she didn't want me to feel bad about being single.
The sentiment, however doesn't work for me. It still implies,  #1. Waiting and #2. Someone outside myself to complete me
My wisdom tells me that time is not required (its now) and that NOTHING  is required.... (I am already complete.)
And as Lennie would say, I haven't caught up to this wisdom that is me now.... I am still acting like I am the person I used to be.
From this moment forward, I am going to ACT as if I am the complete-ness that is "me".

Bill Callahan

Ok, it turns out that I love melancholy music.
Here is a video that brings tears to my eyes.... just because his voice is so beautiful and unadorned. Anyway, I wanted to share it because I talked about him this weekend, how I love appreciating new music that comes my way.
"Nothing Rises to Meet Me"

lots of love