accepting death in every moment...

Acceptance that one is dying all the time is what I have been trying to understand on a deeper level.  In some ways I still exist under the illusion that death is simply abstract, and I can keep it at bay by following certain practises or beliefs.  But there sits death  in the shadows all the time. In my simplistic way, I think death only occurs when I physically die at the end of my life. But of course there is a continual cycle of birth and death  going on all the time. I just choose not to recognize,  and in my resistence death can quickly become something to fear. It takes me into unknown territory, and my mind resists the truth that my heart knows.  Maybe I am contemplating death because in the past while, I have lost folks close to my heart. Or maybe I have felt sadness as I watch thousands be consumed by death through mother earths's epic earthquakes. But I want to relate to  death with new eyes, through a different lense, or maybe to see it through multiple lenses. There are many ways to relate to death simultaneously, and fear is just one of those lenses.  Watching my aging mother has also brought this to the forefront. I watch her powers diminish and see her frustration with the loss of control. I watch the chaos as I see the "talents"  she loved slowly taken from her. I think tenacity becomes your best friend in old age. Perhaps it is not so much death, but the "transition" to death that can be hard to watch. There is an element of suffering that is undeniable. There is an element of compassion that it is undeniable. I can see why I sometimes want to hide from its power.  I have supported many people through their transition, and you would think I would accept and be in a position to support. But ironally, the more I go through it, the more perplexing it seems. It is one of those unsolvable condundrums that cannot be intellectually understood, but falls more in the realm of the heart to seek truth about. I guess that if death is a continuum, from its miniscule  to epic expressions, then it is good to try and develop a relationship with it, and embrace its beautiful and harsh truths.  My instinct is that if I can know death more deeply, then it will influence how I look and feel about life. Maybe I will cherish life more deeply. I think life is where I  always want to focus, but it is only half the equation, and I need to be open to the little deaths going on all the time -  in the physical world, in my own personal world, the deaths in my belief systems, the end of a relationship, the  recognition that I have to make changes etc. Those are all deaths in their own right, so why is the physical death so profound?  For centuries, intellects and philosophers talk about death and the nature of consciousness - does consciousness exist or non exist after death.  In the end, does it really matter - death perhaps is just another portal - and the act of dying aswell the observation of others dieing, helps to  level all our lives out.  It opens my heart, and in that moment when I watch another beautiful soul shift, I feel the world stop for a brief second, and feel another reality takes hold, like passing on a baton to an invisible force.  Maybe it is no wonder that I sometimes feel awed and fearful at the same time.