Letting go of resistance. Again.

 

Letting go of resistance. Again.

One more time I face my uncomfortable self.

The desire to slide into the old patterns is strong.

The familiar, the safe,

the rut I have spent my life creating.

If I pause and do a brief stalking of my feelings

If I breathe a moment

If don’t have the answer ready before

I’m sure of the question.

This is a vulnerable place

giving up my precious control

 my perceived power.

I think I’m being true to myself if I give into my egos

desire.

Right here is my sticky place.

I am afraid.

If I go through instead of circumnavigate

If I am the change I keep saying I want to be

If I let go of this resistance

to take the next step.

I stalk this fear of resistance.

Discomfort is a portal

a door into my next level

I resist the desire to flee from this discomfort.

Damn

One more time

I face my uncomfortable self.

I desire what I know or think I know.

I resist and

I let go of resistance.

Powerful Creatress

Mother Medicine

Releasing " the need to know" - embracing the "un understandable"

Becoming more & more aware of my attachment to the "need to know"... I am always trying to translate spiritual experiences into my mental framework -  I can feel my energy start to nose dive when I cloud my vision with the "need to know" attachment.  I am learning to take experiences of expansion at face value; to honor them without trying to lasoo and corral them into understandable chunks.. it's just my brain frightened by the expansiveness that has no recognizable form and shape.   I am trying to embrace  my "un - understandable"!! 

What My Mom Said.....

This is the email my Mom had sent to me a few months before she died.
Wow, it is loaded with many beliefs that I know I fell prey to as I was growing up.
When she sent this to me, I actually felt quite warmed by it, because it was her way of telling me that she thought I was amazing and that she didn't want me to feel bad about being single.
The sentiment, however doesn't work for me. It still implies,  #1. Waiting and #2. Someone outside myself to complete me
My wisdom tells me that time is not required (its now) and that NOTHING  is required.... (I am already complete.)
And as Lennie would say, I haven't caught up to this wisdom that is me now.... I am still acting like I am the person I used to be.
From this moment forward, I am going to ACT as if I am the complete-ness that is "me".

Bill Callahan

Ok, it turns out that I love melancholy music.
Here is a video that brings tears to my eyes.... just because his voice is so beautiful and unadorned. Anyway, I wanted to share it because I talked about him this weekend, how I love appreciating new music that comes my way.
"Nothing Rises to Meet Me"

lots of love

Finding Our Sound

I LOVED expressing our sounds together.

I felt energy move, I loved discovering interesting things "happening" like ease in flow of various sounds or of the way I held my lips or played with breath in my throat. 

Sometimes it seemed as though sound was coming through me on its own accord. I loved the magic of it and the companionship of exploring!!! It felt like we are just getting warmed up. 

Here is a band that I discovered a few years ago that I would like to share with you

Textures and pure sounds.

Here is  a link to  "Animal Collective "leaf house" 

Chidananda

Dear All,


Here is the Youtube of the chant:
"Chidananda"

Chidananda Mantra

Chidananda roopah shivoham shivoham

Manobuddhi ahamkara chita ni naham
Nachashotre jiv-hey nachaghrana netre
Nacha vioma bhoomir na tejoe na vayu

Chidananda roopah shivoham shivoham

Nachaprana saugno na vã puncha vayu
Navah sapto dhatoo navaa puncha koshah
Na waak pani paadam nachapasta paayu

Chidananda roopah shivoham shivoham

Na me dvãsha rago na me lobha mo-hoe
Mado naiva me naiva matsarya bhava
Na dharmo na chartoe na kaamo na Moksha

Chidananda roopah shivoham shivoham

Na punyam na paapam na saukyum na dhukham
Na mantro na tirtham name daa na yug na ha
Aham bhoja namnaiva bhojyam na bhokta

Chidananda roopah shivoham shivoham

Na mrootyur na shanka na me jaati bheda
Pita naiva me naiva maata na janma
Na bandhur na mitram gurunaiva shishya

Chidananda roopah shivoham shivoham

Aham nirvekalpo nirakaara roopo
Vibureviapya sarvatra sarvendriyani
Sadame samatvah na muktir na bandha

Chidananda roopah shivoham shivoham

I am eternal bliss, I am Shiva.

I am not the mind, intellect, ego, or re-consciousness. (chitta)
I am not the ears, tongue, nose or eyes.(the five senses)
I am not space, earth, fire or wind.

I am eternal bliss, I am Shiva.

I am not breathing (Prana) power, (Vayus).
the seven metals,  nor the five coverings(Pancha kosha)
I am not speech, hands, feet nor the rectum.

I am eternal bliss, I am Shiva.

I am not envy, anger, nor craving, nor desires (kama), nor attraction.
I am not arrogance nor pride nor religion,
nor duty(dharma) health, lust nor liberation(moksha).

I am eternal bliss, I am Shiva.

I am not virtue, vice, sin, joy nor sorrow.
I am not mantra, pilgrimage, offering, nor ritual fire.
I am not food, the eating, nor the one who eats.

I am eternal bliss, I am Shiva.

I am not death, doubt, nor discrimination of cast.
I am not father, mother or birth.
I am not brother, nor friend, nor guru, nor aspirant.

I am eternal bliss, I am Shiva.

I am beyond concept, beyond form.
I am all-pervading in all the senses.
I see equality in all things, I am neither liberated nor in bondage.

I am eternal bliss, I am Shiva.

Source: http://humanityhealing.net (http://s.tt/14DyY)