Frog Medicine

Dear All,

What a wonderful weekend! I love ALL the flavours that we bring together. I stayed on to visit Susan's cranial sacral/accupunturist therapist. She is fantastic. While she was treating me a tiny frog came to the window, she felt it was significant for me and suggested I look up Frog Medicine. I found lots to read but this particular passage stood out and I  wanted to share with the Merry Ones.

"  Frog asks that we take a look at the physics of how emotions function.  An emotion, a true, unthinking sensational feeling, lasts only seconds. Once felt, we then often enter a maze of thoughts about what it meant, about who we are as a person for having felt such a way, and was it ‘right’ to feel that? But humans are designed to feel.  We are comprised of five senses who’s only job is to… sense things.  Placing judgment on an internal process that is our natural state of being creates monsters and makes life unbearable.  It takes seconds to feel the truth of an emotion but we often can spend a lifetime trying to prevent a feeling from moving through us which we’ve decided is ‘unacceptable.’  This judgment of our internal weather blocks the truth of how we feel and denies reality.  This will eventually manifest physical pain or compel us into outlandish behaviors that will force us to deal with the causes.  The lesson behind ‘kissing a frog’ is to allow all forms of experience into our body and follow them to the inevitable transformation of grace that feeling emotions will cause.  Frog medicine asks that we learn how to feel the ugly feelings and see the prince waiting to transform inside that ugliness."

Thank you all for being willing to share. I love you. Jennie

Seeing Life

Dear All,

I haven't heard back from Jeff's people. But this video sums it up. love to you all.

Our Vows to Ourselves

Hello Merry Ones,  down below are the vows that I collected through old emails that some of us put together back in October 2009.  
While looking for the email vows I also found this email that Susan sent to the group back in 2009 describing her dreams that she had.  I reread it and wow did it ever touch me deeper this time around.  Thank you all for you teachings!

I will listen to myself

I will not hurt myself

I will trust myself

I will be disciplined and not allow the parasite to hook me out
of my discipline.

I will keep looking for myself even
though I can't find myself.

I will be kind to myself.

I will put new awareness into action

I will honor all my authentic feelings whether they be positive or negative.

I will tune in each moment and decide whether to express or not

I will live the unknown

I will be present where I am emotionally

I will be patient with myself

I will tune in to Life

I will trust myself to look at/feel whatever emotion comes up for me.

I vow to be more authentic with myself.

I vow to accept my feelings without judgement.

I vow to sit in my feelings of needing to give and explore it more.

Bring “awareness” to every moment

Become friends with “ doubt”! Find the truth in it.

"I will spend time with my feelings with a gentle non-judgmental attitude."

I will not judge myself and others

I will respect myself and others.

I will not get hooked on others emotional manipulations.

I will provide my own encouragement.

I will know that I am life - selfishness cannot exist....(sort of a way of reinforcing that I am life and that loving me and all that I am is loving everyone and so it is...)

    * know nothing
    * Embrace denial
    * Trust whatever
    * Feel my emotions
    * Stop with the stories( re-framed, be aware of the stories,yet not believe them)
    * Enter the mystery
    * Put my relationship with Self/self first
    * I can and will...



For the past week I had dreamt 2 versions of the same dream. On Friday night of our Toltec weekend, I experienced the dream again. The dream involved a terrible crime of ruthless death and butchery. A team of detectives, all dressed in black suits and hats arrived at my house, telling me that I was charged with murder and they had a warrant to go through my house. I kept telling them that I didn't know what they were talking about, but as they fanned out into my rooms, they discovered dessicated limbs, fingers, legs and head of a body. I was terrified and insisted that I was a good person, and not capable of such a horrible act. And yet, the detectives were so insistent and so powerful in their numbers that I began to doubt myself, and wondered if in fact I was involved in this heinous murder. It didn't seem possible to my rational mind, and yet at a deeper level, there was a nagging truth to it all. At dawn, I awoke with a start, and tried to dialogue with the imagery.

When our toltec group regrouped in the morning, it turned out that we had all experienced disturbed sleeps and dreams. Lennie in her wisdom, advised us to go into the energy of the dreams, without the stories, and try to connect with the emotions. As I started to move into a meditative state, I felt my dream was perhaps calling me to recognize the shadow side of my capacity for violence, denial, manipulation, and to explore my deep fear of punishment for committing this violent crime. To the ego level, I did not recognize myself in the dream, nevertheless its symbolism was loud, and I was willing to sit with the energy to see where it led. From where I started in the dream, to where I ended in the meditation was quite a surprising evolution. As I descended into the dream, I found myself grief stricken and filled with guilt for my act of murder, and even more crushed thinking about the pain of punishment. A voice suddenly emerged, saying ' there is no punishment, only forgiveness; surrender to the grief, the feelings, and through surrender you will find forgiveness". The voice continued, " don't abandon your belly... process and release quickly to let new energy flow".

Almost from another dimension, I heard a commanding voice say " pick up the pieces", and with those words, I found myself transplanted into the ocean. I found my body being reassembled and all those murdered and lost pieces pulled out the water into a large "spirit canoe". Inside the canoe is an atmosphere of ceremony and silent holiness. All parts of my murdered body and self are being treated as "sacred objects", honored, and clothed in ceremonial garb. As I sit embraced in the "spirit canoe", the tenderness, forgiveness and compassion is almost too much to bear. I cry out that I am not worthy. I am a murderer, let me drown. No one seems to hear me, and as I look through the night, I see that this beautiful canoe is being paddled by the "detectives" who came to investigate the murder. They are now in warrior ceremonial gear, and hold a wonderful masculine energy as they move the canoe forward with their paddling. At the back of the canoe, a grandmother directs the paddlers. As I look through the darkness, I see that there are hundreds of these "spirit canoes" being paddled in the silent darkness of the night, picking up lost pieces of the world. Everywhere I feel this silent co-operation between the paddlers; a deep knowingness, holiness and grace that I cannot even begin to understand with my brain...

I realized that the "murdered" person in my house was really myself. I had shattered my body ad broken my heart, but still when the grandmother told me to go and "pick up the pieces", I was shocked to find them alive and vibrating. I thought they were dead, but she said " this is your authentic self" - can you hear it calling you back?" What a miracle that my authenticity was still alive, even though I had tried to kill it and conceal the evidence. The "detective team" arrived, not to punish me for my crime, but to help me to solve it, so that I could heal and become renewed and rebirthed in the "spirit canoe". As the canoe glided across the calm deep water, tears rolled down my cheeks in deep gratitude for this dream experience. It was about the power of death and rebirth to myself and the world, and to the power and presence of mystery waiting to be birthed.

Gathering in Nanaimo in May, 2013

Dear All, 
thought of everyone (us) when I saw this artwork. Looking forward to seeing you all this weekend.  love.

YES!!

Living in Bewilderment

This morning I became aware that my experience of trying to live a more "spiritual" life has led me to a state of bewilderment. I feel bewildered most of the time, trying to chase myself and beliefs and theories through an array of  life experiences.   Because I distrust the way the world is presented to me, I have tried to understand it on my own terms, through my own perceptions, awarenesses and evolving beliefs.  But in some ways, that has led to a restless and slightly frenzied state of mind. A new year has begun, and for today, I  decided to think of myself as a new baby, born only for 8 days. Could I see life through new eyes and awareness? How would that "emptiness" feel? But really, why would I want to do that? Why do I want to dismiss all the messy and glorious thoughts and beliefs that have helped to define  my understanding of life and reality. Everything, after all, is relative. And everything valued.  One thing I know is that  I am SO tired of thinking that the spiritual life is a problem to solve; a mystery to "crack". What a crushing and artificial way to view my life. Somehow I am growing to appreciate the Buddhist vision of humanity as a bed of lotuses that grow in the mud, and gradually "unfold" intrinsically into a beautiful lotus. By their nature, they simply become themselves, in their full fruition. They don't search and question.  It seems so much more accepting and generous and gentle.  Yes, I'd rather tap into my lotus potential!! It seems  more encouraging than adopting my "problem solving" approach. Developing techniques for becoming "more aware" seem increasingly unsatisfying and manipulative. I'll never fully understand "spiritual truth" with the head, so why don't I just relax and experience everything more fully, and not worry about finding answers to my questions. Maybe there just aren't any definitive answers; just moments of grace, surprise and wonder. Aha - maybe bewilderment is the first movement towards  unfolding as a  lotus flower.  ( oh oh, there I go again; trying to define and nail down those moments of grace). And the beat goes on.... and the beat goes on....
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE ... from the Baby Lotus...( the view from my mud cradle is great!)

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND HOLY-DAYS

I was just listening to a podcast of Jeff Foster, who jokingly had said that he could have entitled his new book, instead of The Deepest Acceptance .............  The Deepest Deflation
Ha ha. 
I could relate to this. That sometimes the work brings me to the realization that it is all very simple, so simple that it is not even exciting or rewarding , in the way I imagined it would be.

Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters

I read this poem, and it  struck me as a great summary of the Toltec journey!!

I
I walk down the street,
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost - I am helpless
It isin't my fault,
It takes forever to find a way out

II
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isin't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in... it's a habit ... but,
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault
I get out immediately

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street!!!!

Description of Our Merry Band

PICNIC WITH RUMI

Out beyond ideas of right and wrong
There is a field
And out beyond that field

There is a harbour

Pack your bags
I'll meet you there

We'll sail out together
Into the vastness of night
With only the breeze to guide us
No idea where we're going
No idea when we'll return

Sometimes we'll doubt ourselves
Often we'll want to turn back
But the ocean will always remind us
That we had no choice
And never did

And then one morning
In the warm glow of sunrise
In that perfect calm
After a perfect storm
We will disappear

Leaving the vast ocean
And a cool southwesterly breeze
Blowing an empty boat
To destinations unknown

They will search for us
They will assume we went under
But we will know otherwise

And we will picnic with Rumi
Laughing like children
In that field
Beyond right and wrong


- by Jeff Foster

A Gift Of Love

Please listen to this Love-full music. Peace to you.

Love

Beautiful Chant for YOU

Chant by Snataum Kaur

Jeff Foster Quote

Jeff Foster sums it up again for me:

"My greatest spiritual guru has always been discomfort. 

Just sitting with pain or discomfort, without trying to escape in any way, without expectation, without a goal in mind, without seeking anything - that's the juicy place, the place of creative transformation, the place where mud turns to gold.

For many years, I would just sit with grief, frustration, anger, fear, pain, just resting in that bubbling, burning mess for hours and hours, without trying to escape or fix my experience, without hope, without a dream... until peace was discovered even in the midst of that storm, the unshakeable, non-conceptual, ever-present peace that I am, and have always been. 

Instead of trying to escape discomfort, we let discomfort reveal its deeper secrets. We sit with discomfort and watch all boundaries between 'me' and 'discomfort' melt away, until it is no longer 'me sitting with my discomfort' at all, and never was. We sit with frustration in the place where it has not yet coagulated into 'I am frustrated'. We sit with fear prior to the resurrection of the image 'I am the one who is afraid'. We sit with anger before the birth of our identity as 'the angry one'. We know ourselves as the vast open space, the boundless and identity-less ocean that welcomes all of these waves as its beloved children, returned home at last, home at last.

*

More on discovering deep peace even within seemingly uncomfortable experiences, in my new book 'The Deepest Acceptance': http://tinyurl.com/b79z76j

My "clearing"

I found this quote on Facebook. I have been thinking of ways to express where I was coming from on Saturday night. I thought this post hit on a lot of points that express it very well for me and wanted to share: 

New Moon in Scorpio – 2012
Posted by Jana Groscost Matthews in http://newmoonmanifesting.com/tag/new-moon-november-2012/

Be prepared to dig deep into the emotional pools with the New Moon in Scorpio on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 at 5:08pm EST (2:08pm PST). Our awareness is turned inward with transformative Scorpio as it pushes us to remove illusions and find our authentic selves.
Scorpio is a water sign, which rules our emotions. Experiencing a full range of emotions is a blessing and a curse of the human experience. Without an adequate understanding of how to process emotions they often get stuck within the physical body. With Scorpio we are perfectly positioned for a personal renewal at the deepest levels. We are prompted to let go of the stale behaviors and unresolved emotions in order to openly receive healthier perspectives. When we learn how to process what we are feeling instead of allowing the vibration of the emotions to stagnate within us, we become masters of our emotions instead of being controlled by them.
The New Moon in Scorpio is intensified with the Solar Eclipse that occurs on Wednesday November 14, 2012. Solar Eclipses occur with a New Moon. When the moon covers the sun during an eclipse was are prompted to go deeper within to clean out all the emotional clogs that hold us back from manifesting our deepest desires. Your inner wisdom is encouraging you to face and resolve them. Ask for guidance regarding the best way to face your issues. You’ll be amazed at the support you’ll receive when you follow through. When you avoid cleaning out the gunk, it continues to haunt you."

I am glad I didn't wait for these particular celestial events. I see this work as ongoing. I am VERY grateful Lennie had encouraged me to let "that" side of me out more and that I have a wonderful SAFE group of friends/fellow travellers, that can create a sacred space which gave me the strength to take a different action than my conditioned one of stuffing it back down.
I am continuing to receive insights from that experience. I trust that what came up for each and everyone of you to be opportunities to learn about one's self as well.
I is SO clear to me now, how what came up for me, had NOTHING to do with anyone's words or actions.  EXPECTATIONS ARE PRECONCEIVED DISAPPOINTMENTS
My intention is to learn to feel my disappointment, anger, hurt, whatever, and express it appropriately in the moment.
Oh my god, it seems so simple!!!
Anyway, thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you.

ROAD TO NOWHERE

Songwriters: BYRNE, DAVID / WEYMOUTH, TINA / FRANTZ, CHRIS / HARRISON, JERRY

Talking Heads

Boldly Going Nowhere!

“What are you looking for”? “ Nothing in particular, if I do that, if I already know what I'm looking for, I won't see the things I'm not looking for”.

I identify myself as openminded, but that still implies a container that can only be opened so far. I open as far as I am able and unless I can escape the confines of my mind, I must stop. I think; What would it look like to have no opinion and no style that is my own? Could it be this attachment that my way is the only way is holding me back? To speak 'My Truth' is to speak my story. I know it's not the only story . But it's a pleasant story. And a worry story. A lack of trust story. A sincerely pretending story. It is my story yet I am becoming less inclined to stick to it.

What's beyond my story of Right and Wrong? Good and Bad? I'm hovering over myself, watching. This path is not a hobby, it's not a part time job. But what if I commit to giving up my story and fail to replace it? What if I replace it and can't get back from wherever it leads me? If I escape the confines of my mind, is this madness? I sit with these uncomfortable feelings. My eyes scatter over the truth of who I am. I'm so so tired and overwhelmed. And then I take a breathe, or have a good laugh. Good grief! My mind is so canny, filled with judgement and excuses hoping to keep me safe in my story even as my story melts into the mist.

“Imagine we are not just what we think we are. We are ALL THAT IS!”. 

 

There is something weird happening to me; the more serious and committed I am to to this spiritual journey, the more detached I am becoming. I'm tired of chopping myself up into bite sized understandable pieces. As the anxiety builds and I try to force myself through to the next level I feel like I'm going nowhere fast. And it's at that point I where accept where I am now; anxious, controlling, worried and going nowhere that I do connect to my inner self and live right here right now.

Cracked Pot Story

 Seemed like a relevant story:

"An  elderly Chinese  woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends  of a pole which  she carried across her  neck.  One of the pots had  a crack in it  while the other pot was perfect and always delivered  a full  portion of water. At the end of the long walks from  the  stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half   full..   For a full two years this went on daily, with the   woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of   course, the perfect pot was proud of its   accomplishments.  But  the poor cracked pot  was ashamed of its own imperfection, and  miserable that it could  only do half of what it had been made to   do.
After   two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to   the woman one day by the stream. 'I  am ashamed of  myself, because this crack in my side causes water  to leak out  all the way back to your house.' The  old woman smiled,  'Did you notice that there are flowers on your  side of the path,  but not on the other pot's  side?' That's  because I have  always known about your flaw, so I planted flower  seeds on your  side of the path, and every day while we walk back,  you water  them.'  For  two years I  have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to  decorate the  table.  Without you  being  just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to  grace  the house.'  Each of us has our  own  unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that   make our lives together so very interesting and   rewarding. "

Reflecting what is!

Something to ponder!  How do we respond/react to what is reflected to us.  Someone says something about us, what we feel about what is said can be amazing opportunity to gain perspective on the character we use to interact with Life.  I find that I may feel good when nice things are said about me and may not feel good when "not nice" things are said.  Oh yes!  all about taking things personally, not a bad thing, but a way to get to know me better.  I find that the "not nice" is more often than not what I reject about me.  If you choose to explore this, do remember not to do so with a view to punishing yourself and making yourself feel bad about you.  I do believe we have turned a corner on this and we can view ourselves with tremendous compassion, "shining light" on darkness.

I believe also we are complex, not black and white, this or that.  Rather we are shades of all kinds of colours!  Imagine we are not just what we think we are.  We are ALL THAT IS!

ALL OF IT

‎"To try to avoid pain and to always seek pleasure will mean, much of the time, the non-acceptance of truth. It usually means the rejection of what is there. It means rejecting your experience. It means rejecting your consciousness. It means rejecting yourself. Now how is that going to lead to harmony and happiness? Sometimes your experience is painful. What are you going to do? It’s your experience. If you don’t want it, you have to throw it away. Then you throw away part of yourself. Well, how can you be happy if part of yourself is thrown away?" -A.H. Almaas

I would like to take this opportunity to continue the Beauty Chair.

I approve of your smoking.

I approve of your seeking comfort.

I approve of your eating more than enough.

I approve of your retreating to feel safe.

I approve of your longing for a partner.

I approve of your not participating.

I approve of your feeling of being overwhelmed.

I approve of your resistance to......._______.

I love ALL of you/me just the way I am in each moment.

The Mirror

I initially felt resistance in doing the Beauty Chair, it felt like work and I was telling my self that I was exhausted.
But I want to say VERY CLEARLY,  that I Love, Loved the Beauty Chair!!!! It felt like a very positive, excellent use of the state we were in. It felt like it strengthened what is Truth. Listening to everyone's outpouring of Love filled me with light.
I am enjoying looking at Everything as my reflection now.
At all times, there are opportunities presenting themselves for me to appreciate (and Approve of) my reflection.

MerryOnes!!!!

I love you all so much!! We are courageous, authentic, beautiful, adventurous, unique, fun, willing, eager, open, loving, determined.......