Dancing with the Saboteur ....

I think my "super-hero" character would have to be The Saboteur!  For weeks, I can go about my life, feeling balanced, happy and "in the moment". I seem to handle life as it comes with a certain ease and pleasure.  Then out of the lightness, a darker presence starts to bubble up into the layers of my  mind, affecting my decisions and choices.  Yes, the Saboteur has returned for a visit!!!!.. This character is like an energy that tries to throw me off my course thru subversion, obstruction and disruption. Sometimes its appearance can be so subtle and quiet that I barely know it is present, until I start to feel unsettled, as if I am not quite right.  Other times, it crashes into my life in full color and glitz, knocking me to the ground, leaving me feel powerless.  How does it play out? Maybe I re engage in unkind thoughts about someone, or I start questioning my dreams in life, or maybe I stop exercising; I start comfort eating etc. The old voices and frameworks return, cajoling me into thinking my new thoughts are just folly. Or I give up on myself. Or I question this spiritual crap, calling it a waste of time and money.... The Saboteur is playing its game with me, and I have to remember that I can change the rules to the game. So the Sabateur sometimes has its way with me, but once I become aware of its presence, I try to just be with it, and try to make peace with myself, and stay away from that self-judgement that would possess me for days, making me even less inclined to do the things my heart wishes. The Saboteur likes to win, and will do anything to make me pay attention to it. I try to reconnect with my heart and emotions, and allow its energy to engage with the Saboteur... It is challenging and I sometimes give into the Saboteur because it is easier. What I have found is that  as long as I don't ignore the Saboteur, I keep its power and influence at bay, and its voice may be in the background, but it isin't the enemy...  the dance with the Saboteur continues, in all its brilliant dance steps, movements and costumes!!